Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
