You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
