and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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