The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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