when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize