:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
