Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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