remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
