I am in a vortex of obligation.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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