Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
