Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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