I think I died a long time ago.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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