I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
