I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
