I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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