What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he thought i was a dude.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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