Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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