Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
