Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
