Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
