Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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