adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
