I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
