just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
