Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
