I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
