note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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