What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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