You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
