I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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