i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she told me i tasted like america
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dignity is for republicans.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
