If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
