He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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