I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
