I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
