He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
