not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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