She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
