He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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