I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize