I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
