I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
