What did we do last night that was yellow?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
