You made me cry and you don't even care
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize