I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
