just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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