Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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