You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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