I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
