I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
