Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
