The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize