She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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