i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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