her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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