I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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