i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
