Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
