Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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