Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
