I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
