Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
