critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
These tits shall not be calmed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
