if you like me you must not know who I am
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
