so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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