He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
