My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
