this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
