Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
