I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
