I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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