y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
