I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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