Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
