I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
