and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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