Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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