My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
