I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
