but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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