This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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