After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You've changed since you got that strap on
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
