So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
