I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
