Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
